An unlikely connection
Recently I was at the local Walmart. A regular visit, my cart was filled with normal grocery items. As I strolled through the cleaner aisle, an older man was bent over looking at bleach. His cart was parked right in the middle of the aisle. I tried “Excuse me,” but the man didn’t hear me or was ignoring me. I said it again. Nothing.
Just then, an older woman came down the aisle. Instead of moving his cart, because I was very obviously trying to pass, she turned and looked at bleach with the man. Very loudly this time I said, “Excuse me, I’m just trying to get past.” Without a word, the woman moved the cart. How rude! No “Sorry”, no “Excuse me”, nothing! A few seconds interaction with these people and I thought they were rude! Then I thought, I don’t know them, or anything about them. Maybe they are having a bad day. I moved along and let it go.
At the self-checkout, I noticed this couple again. I was just assuming they were married. The woman grabbed a bunch of items out of the cart and went to another checkout stand, weird! I had yet to see either one of them crack a smile at this point. The woman appeared bugged, but once again, I don’t know her.
I was loading up my car with my groceries and who should come to the car next to mine? Yes, same couple. They didn’t speak a word as they loaded their trunk with their groceries. I noticed the woman tucked a six-pack of Diet Coke bottles under her arm. I quickly grabbed the bottle of Diet Coke I had grabbed at the checkout stand. Raising it toward the woman, I said, “Cheers!” It was all I could think of to say. The woman quickly brightened up. She smiled, giggled a little then said, “Best stuff in the world!” Turns out the woman had a beautiful smile!
This experience was a good lesson for me. I didn’t know what this couple’s day was like. Did they just come from the hospital, where their grandchild lay sick? Did they just have a fight? Was the man just quiet and the woman deep in thought? RBF? I’ll never know. But my little experiment proved that it isn’t hard to connect with people. This time it was just a smile and a small thing in common.
Do you consciously think about the way you connect with people? How about the people you date? I often hear the phrase “He (or she) checks a lot of boxes.” Do you spend your dates mentally “checking boxes”? Do you get into physical affection too fast and think that is a good connection?
Making better connections in dating
Let’s talk about a few ways to make better connections in dating:
- Don’t race to physical affection too fast. A relationship that starts fast with physical affection usually fizzles out fast. Make sure you have a good emotional connection with someone before you get too physical.
- Listen without interrupting. Listen to understand, not to respond. This is harder than it sounds. Everyone wants to be heard. One way you can do this is to repeat back a small part of something they said. Oprah is very good at this.
- Be vulnerable. Share your hopes, dreams, fears and tragedies – but don’t be a victim.
- Create good memories. Find activities you both like and make regular plans to do them.
- Give sincere compliments. Making a person feel good about themself helps make a great connection.
For more information about how connections affect our relationships, check out my video about the 5 C’s of Building Relationships.